Sam Harris

cypherknot - 15 September 2008 01:22 AM

When I was still trying to be Catholic, I was convinced that a place without animals would be no kind of heaven for me, and I wouldn’t want to go. Still, letting in pets, as has been mentioned above, lets in the camel’s nose (ie let in the nose and soon the whole camel follows, AKA slippery slope), where do you draw the line? Do those who admire butterflies get butterflies in? How about someone who found leeches beautiful in life, does this open up heaven for leeches? I suppose a zoophile Christian will just say something non sequitur like, “God can accomplish anything. those who love their pets get to have them in heaven.” If it were me, I’d want the whole schlemiel, all plants, all animals, fungi, algae, bacteria, etc; as well as rain, snow sunshine, breezes, thunder and lightening. In which case, I might as well stay put right here.

Except eventually you’ll die and then you’ll still have to decide who gets to come with you to heaven (if those are now the rules God plays by.)

It’s all so convoluted and ridiculous!

Ah, but I am atheist, so none get to “come with me”. I go alone, leaving all behind.

Unsmoked puts it to his cat.

Unsmoked:  (using a paper towel to pick up a mouse tail and pea-sized gall bladder from his carpet)  Do you want to go to heaven?

Frank Zappa the cat:  No.

U:  You might like it.  Lots of tuna cans that need cleaned out.

Zappa:  No.

U:  What’s your take on it anyway?  What if Manfred went to heaven?  Don’t you miss him?

Zappa:  No.

U:  Tinker Bell?  I know you miss her.  Don’t lie.

Zappa:  Tinker who?

U:  What about me?  What if I die before you do?  Who’s going to clean up your upchucks and fur balls?

Zappa:  Oh, Tinker Bell.  Now I remember. (tail flicks)

U:  So, don’t you want to go to heaven to be with Tinker?

Zappa:  No.

U:  So I asked you; what’s your take on it?

Zappa:  It’s like Buddha said.  If you blow out a candle and then light it again, is it the same flame or a different flame?

U:  And . . .?

Zappa:  It’s the same flame.  So I’ll still be here.

U:  Read my lips.  You’re going to be dead.  D - E - A - D.

Zappa:  I’ll look different, and I won’t remember any of this shit, but it will still be me.

U:  How do you know it will still be you, if you can’t remember any of this?

Zappa:  Because I’ll still go out at 2 A.M. to look for mice and see if they let Tinker Bell out.

U:  You know perfectly well she’s already a goner.  I suppose you think her candle is going to get lit again too?

Zappa:  Bingo.  It’s already been lit.

U:  You’ve met someone else?  You didn’t tell me about this.  What’s her name?

Zappa:  Tinker Bell.

U:  OK.  I understand how you feel, but what’s her new name?

Zappa:  Fluffy.

U:  I see.  So you think Fluffy is a reincarnation of Tinker Bell?

Zappa:  No.

U:  So who IS she for God’s sake?

Zappa:  A new Tinker Bell.