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Flintstones 2009
Posted: 13 July 2009 06:18 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]  
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Nhoj Morley - 13 May 2009 05:21 PM
unsmoked - 13 May 2009 04:30 PM

I wonder how many Sunday-school kids ask their teacher how Noah got down to Australia to pick up the kangaroo couple ...Getting them up the gangplank must have been hell.

God made sure that this was no sweat for Noah.
God told the animals to pick one couple from each species that was the best example to the others. Then He told those animal couples to high-tail it to Noah’s and helped the kangaroos arrive just in time by sending angels to carry them. After listening to God, all the animals were well behaved and marched obediently toward the ark. God told them not to eat each other or mate and be sure to go potty before they got there. Except for the cows and sheep who had eaten all the seeds to all the plants. As they marched up the gangplank, God shrunk the big animals to a tenth of their size and all the tiny creatures grew to a more manageable centicubit. Once the animals arrived in their stables, God froze them in suspended animation and surround them with an anti-gravity field so they wouldn’t weigh down the ship. Once the ark was afloat, all the fish couples swam into nets that were attached under the ark. All the birds landed on the ark’s five masts. All the left behind dead animals and people were washed away to the bottom of the ocean or are frozen inside of icebergs. There are black people because Mrs. Noah was already pregnant. The Indians weren’t affected because they were on the other side of the world and all the water was going the other way. The dinosaurs didn’t listen to God but they were too big and heavy to wash away and that’s why we sometimes find one buried in the ground or frozen inside an iceberg. All people are descended from Noah except for the people the Devil put here.

 

Wow! I always wondered how the polar bears and the penguins got on the ark and survived that long in an equatorial climate. And how they lasted so long without eating each other. Now I know! But I think Noah made a mistake when he let bacteriums like Yersinia pestis, Clostridium botulinum and a few hundred more really nasty critters get on the Ark.

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