Mahmoud Ahmadinejad comes to you seeking advise concerning his marriage.
His wife has been sleeping with one of his ministers and since he’s in public office, killing her is out of the question.
He divulges that he tried to stick his head down a hole and talk to the 12th Mahdi, an animal like beast, but no answer was forthcoming. He hopes that you can straighten out this mess so he can get about his business of wiping Israel off the face of the earth.
Mother Teresa knocks quietly on your door and enters dressed as a school teacher.
She tells you that she has suffered for years from a depression so profound that she has no recourse but to seek relief from therapy.
It seems that as a young women she had a mystical experience that involved Christ.
What happened was so earth moving that she decided to devote her life to the Catholic church.
Over the years the experience became diluted by the hard facts of life and she had begun to question her own religious beliefs.
Now that she is in the world’s eyes, she could never admit her lack of faith and the mental confusion is tearing her apart.
The Dalai Lama and his entourage make an appointment to see you.
He tells you that as a young boy the soul of the old Dalai Lama entered his body and through a series of tests, the monks determined that he was new grand poopa of Tibetan Buddhism.
He admits that he really hates China for raping his land and religion and longs for the feudal Tibet in which he grew up. The place in which the leaders could kidnap little boys and force them into religious studies.
Gandhi hobbles past your secretary and interrupts your session with the Pope.
He tells you that he has become obsessed with excretia and has been sleeping naked with adolescent girls to test his spiritual resolve.
You complete your notes on the Pope and highlight the thing about transubstantiation.
In some strange way (don’t ask me how) a head priest of the ancient Aztecs arrives at your door.
He appears distraught and sits hunched over wringing his hands.
He knows that unless he continues to rip the hearts out of hapless humans, the sun will refuse to come up in the morning.
His soldiers have ravaged all the nearby tribes and there is no longer the requisite number of victims available to his knife.
He is terrified of what will happen.
John Travolta makes an appointment.
He cannot understand why he is confused about his sexuality since he exorcised about a million space creatures that had invaded his body.
It cost him half a million dollars to become ultra-clear but whenever he sees an attractive man, he still gets that tingly feeling.
He is hoping that you can straighten (no pun) him out.
Mitt Romney is over stressed with the campaign and makes an appointment for the week after the election.
He can’t understand why he is having severe anxiety about this mundane earth when he will be headed to his very own planet when he dies.
He wonders why he worries so much about being President of a county when his ultimate fate is to become God Himself.
Barack Obama calls and seeks your help but insists that he will only speak over Skype.
He is bound and determined that every person. man, woman and child in the United States should have an annual income of seventeen thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars and the Republicans keep putting up roadblocks.
Malia has fallen in love with one of the Secret Service officers, his wife is always on him about his weight and the damn dog keeps peeing in the oval office.
Oh yeah….....and Iran is planning to wipe Israel off the map.