After thousands of years of debate on the subject, I am proud to announce that I, Josh, officially have irrefutable, empirical, scientifically verifiable PROOF that there is, in fact, no god.
Before my beloved Washington Redskins began the football season back in September, I was, at that time, an agnostic who leaned more toward atheism than theism. Then the Redskins won 6 of their first 8 games, and I started to believe that there may actually be a god. Then they lost 4 of their next 5 games, and I slipped back into my former agnosticism.
But then, today, between 12pm and 3pm CST, all was made clear. The Redskins, who had started the season with a 6-2 record and had playoff aspirations, dropped to 7-7 by losing to the Cincinnati Bengals, one of the worst teams in the NFL!!! And to add insult to injury, the Dallas Cowboys (my sworn enemies whom I love to hate) won their game today, moving two games ahead of the Skins in the playoff race. Today’s events have given my agnosticism a violent shove into militant atheism. There is no god. Case closed. Have a nice day.
I believe a lot Notre Dame fans are beginning to think there is no God either, at least no God of Collegiate Football. After two of their worst seasons in a long time, and not having the money ($20 million) to buy out the remaining seven years of Charlie Weiss’ contract, even the local economy has felt the pinch of declining home game attendance and are bitching about it.
Dallas? Notre Dame? Come on, you guys, don’t be silly! EVERYONE knows that God is, BY DEFINITION, a Redskins fan. So let me break this down for you:
If God wants the Redskins to win, but can’t make it happen, then God is not omnipotent, and therefore is not “God”. On the other hand, if God DOES have the power to make the Redskins win, then Sunday’s events demonstrate that he simply does not WANT them to, in which case he blatantly violates his own “definition”, and therefore is not “God”.
Either way, if the Redskins lose to the Bengals, there is no God. Got it?
Yes, Beam. Although it hurts to see my beloved Skins choke so thouroughly, I can still take some consolation in the high probability that your Cowboys may indeed choke as well. Watching your Boys walk off the field dejected, with their heads hung low, would indeed be the cure for what ails me.
However, if the Cowboys were to go all the way, and win the Super Bowl in February…..well, I would just have to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney.
Imo, many of our sports are just modern gladiator games.
To this I agree almost completely.
Romans used gladatorial games to pacify the unruly masses. Nowadays we turn it into a profitable business and charge the masses for the privilege of watching.
What does that say about us? At least the Roman citizens had free access.
If God wants the Redskins to win, but can’t make it happen, then God is not omnipotent, and therefore is not “God”. On the other hand, if God DOES have the power to make the Redskins win, then Sunday’s events demonstrate that he simply does not WANT them to, then God is not a Redskins fan..
‘And with so much wrestling choreographed, what does that say about us?’
Apparently it means we evolved a psychological need for competition and entertainment. Sometimes a vice, sometimes a virtue.
...in which case, as I said, he violates his own “definition”, and therefore is not “God”. When someone or something violates its own definition, it ceases to be what it is.
Enlighten me, Nulono…..since God is BY DEFINITION a Redskins fan (this fact is written on everyone’s heart, whether you acknowledge it or not), how can he possibly NOT be a Redskins fan and still be “God”? How can a duck NOT be a duck, and still be a duck? Explain to me how that makes any sense…..
You’re so crazy, Nulono! I like you, but you’re so crazy!
Josh,
At MountedMemories.com, you can get an autographed Joe Theismann and Art Monk Redskins Helmet with SBXVII CHAMPS Inscription for a mere $999 USD. That kind of offering should surely please the lord and ensure a playoff spot.
That kind of offering should surely please the lord and ensure a playoff spot.
So, Beam, what you’re implying is that there IS a God, but he let the Redskins lose because my offering wasn’t good enough. I thought that sacrificing a Mark Rypien jersey on a makeshift alter would surely find favor in his sight, but oh well…..
So, Beam, what you’re implying is that there IS a God, but he let the Redskins lose because my offering wasn’t good enough. I thought that sacrificing a Mark Rypien jersey on a makeshift alter would surely find favor in his sight, but oh well…..
God only responds to cash. Send it to me and I’ll forward it to the Big Kahuna. (Not the Big Tuna.) Although having the Big Tuna on your side is pleasing to the ball-mighty.
...having the Big Tuna on your side is pleasing to the ball-mighty.
When Parcells retires, it will be his fourth retirement! I suppose it pleases the “ball-mighty” to see someone keep coming out of retirement so many times. Just like the basketball gods smiled upon Michael Jordan.
