3 wonders that should have been hits

 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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18 July 2008 10:16
 
Jefe - 18 July 2008 01:53 PM

I still get infected with the ABBA virus every time I hear them on the radio.

Oh yes. ‘The winner takes it all’. Scrotum-shrinking good.

 
 
Ecurb Noselrub
 
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Ecurb Noselrub
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18 July 2008 10:19
 
Salt Creek - 18 July 2008 02:07 PM
Jefe - 18 July 2008 01:53 PM

I still get infected with the ABBA virus every time I hear them on the radio.

I got infected by the Roxette virus simply because of a certain someone who enjoyed listening to them.

But ABBA? Eewwwwwwwwwww!

ABBA had their moments, and their songs did translate into a good Broadway show - “Mama Mia” (saw it in 2006). The variety of their tunes is what set them apart. Very versatile. So be merciful to Jefe.

 
 
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Josh
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18 July 2008 10:30
 

Sander, I’m really sorry that Joey Tempest refused to give you his autograph, when Europe was in town back in ‘87. And I’m sorry that the other band members added insult to injury by laughing at your acid-washed jeans and Starter jacket. But there’s no need to be so bitter about it, over 20 years later!

I hate to do this to you, but I’m compiling a second mix tape:

Corey Hart - Sunglasses at night
Billy Idol - White wedding
Motley Crue - Wild side
Twisted Sister - I wanna rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Bark at the moon
Survivor - Eye of the tiger
Journey - Don’t stop believing
Foreigner - Dirty white boy
Eddie Money - Walk on water
Bruce Springsteen - Glory days

 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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18 July 2008 14:56
 
Josh - 18 July 2008 02:30 PM

Sander, I’m really sorry that Joey Tempest refused to give you his autograph, when Europe was in town back in ‘87. And I’m sorry that the other band members added insult to injury by laughing at your acid-washed jeans and Starter jacket. But there’s no need to be so bitter about it, over 20 years later!

I hate to do this to you, but I’m compiling a second mix tape:

Corey Hart - Sunglasses at night
Billy Idol - White wedding
Motley Crue - Wild side
Twisted Sister - I wanna rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Bark at the moon
Survivor - Eye of the tiger
Journey - Don’t stop believing
Foreigner - Dirty white boy
Eddie Money - Walk on water
Bruce Springsteen - Glory days

OK then young Josh, the gauntlet has been thrown and it is on.
I consider this post a personal insult and my vengeance will make even the most heartless and cynical atheists (you know who you are) cringe and mumble: “Dude, that was just nasty”.

You see Josh, you have just hit me below the intellect by criticizing te only thing that I find holy and pure; my impeccable taste in pop music.
I couldn’t care less if you’d call me a dipshit when I ramble on about Jeebus or the economy or world-hunger or any other trivial subject, but this is just not cricket.

So the battle lines have been drawn, the gloves are off, the claws are out and you will soon find out that this forum is no country for old men.
So, I have combed my hair forward and parted on the side, I have erased any expression from my face and loaded up my air-pressured nail-gun and I will fire at you a merciless barrage of song lyrics to show you the errors of your ways, neonate.

And there will be blood.

Let me know when you are ready and the slaughter shall commence.

 
 
Ecurb Noselrub
 
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Ecurb Noselrub
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18 July 2008 15:18
 

Josh, it’s one thing to get on SC’s bad side - the end result is simply humiliation. But when you are on Sander’s S-list, the result is the equivalent of atheistic hell and damnation (whatever that is). I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.

 
 
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Beam
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18 July 2008 15:23
 
Sander - 18 July 2008 06:56 PM

Let me know when you are ready and the slaughter shall commence.

Cool. I’m going to pop some corn, sit back, crank up some Queens of the Stone Age or some Rimsky-Korsakov and watch the bloodshed. I wonder if my bookie will take any wagers.

 
 
 
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Josh
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18 July 2008 15:30
 

Wow, Sander! Even Frank doesn’t get this irate when someone steps on his cracker! Apparently I’ve just pushed your biggest button, and now it would seem that you wish to fight. Yes, it sounds as if you want to “meet me by the bike rack after school”, and kick my ass with your Air Jordan sneakers (with pumps).

Actually, I believe I may have greatly underestimated the situation. It sounds as if you have declared WAR on me, and my army of big haired rockers. Well, I’m not really looking for a war, or even a rumble by the bike rack…..but I’ll just warn you now, that if you attack, I will defend myself with honor.

You said “Let me know when you are ready and the slaughter shall commence.”

Sander, I am ready.

 
 
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Beam
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18 July 2008 15:48
 

Josh, if you fling any Frampton, watch were you chunk the talk box. You might offend Joe Walsh.

 
 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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18 July 2008 16:28
 
Josh - 18 July 2008 07:30 PM

Wow, Sander! Even Frank doesn’t get this irate when someone steps on his cracker! Apparently I’ve just pushed your biggest button, and now it would seem that you wish to fight. Yes, it sounds as if you want to “meet me by the bike rack after school”, and kick my ass with your Air Jordan sneakers (with pumps).

Actually, I believe I may have greatly underestimated the situation. It sounds as if you have declared WAR on me, and my army of big haired rockers. Well, I’m not really looking for a war, or even a rumble by the bike rack…..but I’ll just warn you now, that if you attack, I will defend myself with honor.

You said “Let me know when you are ready and the slaughter shall commence.”

Sander, I am ready.


Ah, the hubris of the young, so endearing.
If I hadn’t sold my soul to the Dark Lord I would feel some sympathy for the lemming that rushes towards the cliff shouting ‘I will survive’ ( I am sure that one is on your fave-list too, judging by the unspeakably horrendous ‘suggestions’ that you have inflicted on an unsuspecting audience) but you won’t.

As I stated before, I will burry you, Nikita Khrushchev   style, with nothing but the awesome power of my encyclopedic knowledge of good pop-music lyrics.

And so it begins…..

Josh: “Don’t stop believing”, by some whiny-ass, sentimental crappy sell-outs.

Sander: Give up believing because: “everything’s short, everything stops and everything’s coming to a grinding halt” (Cure, Grinding halt) and for good measure:“I can see the last open grave, Jesus’ own soul can not be saved” (Slayer, Hell Awaits).

I won’t hold it against you if you back out. There is no shame in retreating from a fight if you know you are out-gunned.

 
 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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18 July 2008 16:54
 
Bruce Burleson - 18 July 2008 07:18 PM

Josh, it’s one thing to get on SC’s bad side - the end result is simply humiliation. But when you are on Sander’s S-list, the result is the equivalent of atheistic hell and damnation (whatever that is). I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.

You are a wise man Bruce B.
Just FYI, atheistic hell is rather Clive Barker-ish.
It is personalized torment.
In my case it will be a doorless room where I am forced to watch Rosie O’Donnell make out with Clay Aitkin for all eternity to a soundtrack that endlessly repeats the horrors commonly known as Celine Dion songs.

 
 
 
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Josh
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18 July 2008 17:20
 

And Sander has drawn first blood…..

While I nurse my wounds from the shrapnel of The Cure and Slayer, I’ll just say that retreat is not an option, no matter how much ammo you may possess.

Sander: “Josh, I told you, don’t you ever come around here. Don’t wanna see your face, you’d better disappear. The fire’s in my eyes, and my words are really clear, so BEAT IT…..just beat it…..” (Michael Jackson, pop icon, and a pretty poster on Sander’s bedroom wall)

Josh: “It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the fight; rising up to the challenge of my rival.” (Survivor)

That was not so much a real attack, as it was more a public statement of resolve, to go toe to toe and not retreat. Sander, if this is a case of David and Goliath, just remember what happened to the giant in that story. You call me a neonate…..my response to that would be “the older they are, the more awkwardly they fall” (or something like that).

[ Edited: 18 July 2008 17:22 by Josh]
 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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18 July 2008 17:59
 
Josh - 18 July 2008 09:20 PM

Sander: “Josh, I told you, don’t you ever come around here. Don’t wanna see your face, you’d better disappear. The fire’s in my eyes, and my words are really clear, so BEAT IT…..just beat it…..” (Michael Jackson, pop icon, and a pretty poster on Sander’s bedroom wall)


Hmmm, I’d give that an A for effort but an F for fuckwittery.

And you are making this really easy for me Josh….Michael Jackson ?.... do you want to lose ?

” Sickly sweet, his poison seeks
For the young ones who don’t understand
The danger in his hands
With a jaundiced wink see his cunning slink
Oh trust in me my pretty one
Come walk with me my helpless one”

Candyman, Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Zing !!!!!!!

[ Edited: 18 July 2008 20:55 by Lapin Diabolique]
 
 
Ecurb Noselrub
 
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Ecurb Noselrub
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18 July 2008 18:52
 

Give it up, Josh. His pop sword is slicing you to pieces.

Now, I interrupt Josh’s dissection to bring you this moment from rock history - the coolest instrument ever in a rock band - the electric jug in the 13th Floor Elevators (1965):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYh5oMDlWwQ

[ Edited: 18 July 2008 19:16 by Ecurb Noselrub]
 
 
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Josh
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19 July 2008 06:36
 

Sander came out swinging in round 1, and quickly stunned Josh with a left hook from The Cure, immediately followed by a right hook from Slayer. Josh put up a weak defensive jab with his rhinestone glove (borrowed from Michael), and stood toe to toe with Sander with a couple of lines from Survivor…..only to be knocked right down to the mat by a swift Siouxsie and the Banshees uppercut. The bell rings, and round 1 goes to Sander.

Round 2: Josh circles for a while, keeping a safe distance. Then as he draws nearer he says to Sander:

“In the heat of the night
You went and blackened my eyes
Well now I’m back, I’m back, I’m back
And I’m coming your way
Well now I’m supercharged
Might just explode in your face” (Motley Crue - Knock ‘Em Dead, Kid)

Sander laughs condescendingly, but lowers his gloves just enough for Josh to slip a jab:

“Drink up, Shoot in
Let the beatings begin
Distributor of pain
Your loss becomes my gain
Anger, Misery, You’ll suffer unto me
Harvester of sorrow, Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow” (Metallica)

Sander quickly raises his gloves, and Josh hits him with a body blow:

“I don’t want to start
Any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God’s
Got a sick sense of humour
And when I die
I expect to find Him laughing” (Depeche Mode)

They continue circling the ring, neither lyrical fighter showing any signs of backing down…..

 
 
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Beam
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19 July 2008 08:44
 

Oooooh! The Depeche Mode and Cure lyrics can only mean that this fight has degenerated to techno. What is next? OMD?

A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
anybody who’s talkin this shit, that shit
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You thirty-six year old baldheaded fuck, blow me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listen to techno…Eminem

[ Edited: 19 July 2008 09:01 by Beam]