1
 
   
 

Have you ever been discriminated against? - (the dating world.)

 
 
Avatar
 
 
Cody B
Total Posts:  50
Joined  05-02-2009
 
 
 
15 August 2009 01:34
 

I’m talking personally.  Not as society as a whole, but on a more personal level.

I recently lost my girlfriend of two years to a religious issue.  I wasn’t 100% crazy, “head-over-heels-this-is-the-girl-I’m-going-to-marry” in love, but in love enough.  The idea of having kids with her had crossed my mind.  I’m 23, still very young, but I think at a point now where girls I actually take home to mom might mean something.

Religion was something we just tried to avoid.  She knew how I felt about all religion (I wasn’t keen on some invisible spaceman caring about what I did naked), including hers (Christianity), and we just sort of dodged the issue. 

However, it was something of great importance to her and it came up.  We talked about if we had kids, what were we going to do about religion.  Ultimately, I told her I never wanted to teach my children what to think, rather, I wanted to teach them how to think.  It was never my intention to just default ‘atheism’...(I hate that word, I’d prefer logical)...onto my children.  I think I kept my cool for most of the conversation until we got to Genesis.  Ultimately, I lost my shit when she told me we were going to teach our children God created them on the same day as everything else, including dinosaurs.  We broke up that day, and I learned that I need to be with someone who share’s my viewpoint in life.  I hate calling it a viewpoint, or opinion, or whatever.  We call it belief when it’s based on faith; when we base our viewpoint on empirical facts we call it reality.

So two questions here from a young, single, newly un-brainwashed person of society: 1)Have you ever been screwed out of anything, or slighted, for being an atheist and 2)Where the fuck do I find atheist women who are cute and attractive…(please note, I live in U.S.A. who sadly have a population of atheists of like 13%.)

 
 
Avatar
 
 
dlsmith
Total Posts:  952
Joined  26-06-2006
 
 
 
16 August 2009 11:47
 

1. There aren’t alot of atheist women out there, but there obviously are some. The percentage goes up the more educated they are. High school dropouts are much more likely to be deeply religious. One just has to look, and as you meet women just be up front that you are not interested in a relationship with them if religion is going to be a bone of contention, especially if you do end up having children.
2. I have found a couple of non-believers and agnostics in the past 10 years on dating sites, one of who I still have a relationship with. A lot of times they will list their religious background as “other”. You might try looking for non-secular organizations in you area. If you live in the Bible belt, you’re pretty much out of luck.

Just keep trying, you’re still young.

[ Edited: 16 August 2009 11:54 by dlsmith]
 
 
Antisocialdarwinist
 
Avatar
 
 
Antisocialdarwinist
Total Posts:  651
Joined  08-12-2006
 
 
 
16 August 2009 13:53
 

I’ve never been discriminated against for being an atheist in that sense.  If I have to, I just lie about believing in God in order to get laid.

 
 
G. Geurtsen
 
Avatar
 
 
G. Geurtsen
Total Posts:  14
Joined  20-04-2009
 
 
 
16 August 2009 14:33
 

Dear Cody, you’d better come over to Europe! We laugh our heads off over religion, especially in the Netherlands. Of course you’ll find people here who are Christian, Muslim, Buddhist etc., but almost nobody will try to convince you that ‘God’ created dinosaurs and humans on the same day, except people staying in a mental hospital. As for me, I lost my faith at the age of 13 when my dad left my mother for a much younger woman because she mother “wasn’t Christian enough”. A lot of these ‘true believers’ are hypocrites.

 
 
Avatar
 
 
Cody B
Total Posts:  50
Joined  05-02-2009
 
 
 
16 August 2009 22:23
 
Tranquillinus - 16 August 2009 06:33 PM

A lot of these ‘true believers’ are hypocrites.


Try living in the bible belt.  They are the most un-christian Christians you will ever encounter.  If you are black, gay, jewish, muslim, atheist, liberal, or in general can tell your asshole from a hole in the ground, you are not welcome here.

At least we have Chicago as a refuge. = /

 
Keep The Reason
 
Avatar
 
 
Keep The Reason
Total Posts:  1183
Joined  07-08-2007
 
 
 
17 August 2009 12:34
 
Cody B - 17 August 2009 02:23 AM

Try living in the bible belt.  They are the most un-christian Christians you will ever encounter.  If you are black, gay, jewish, muslim, atheist, liberal, or in general can tell your asshole from a hole in the ground, you are not welcome here.

At least we have Chicago as a refuge. = /

I’d like to address this with you a bit because there’s a few things that need to be looked at.  First, theists are people.  Some will be schmucks, others will be cool, and there will be all the degrees in between.

In my first marriage, my now ex-wife and I didn’t agree on religion particularly.  She was some weird mixture of Hindu and Buddhist, and I of course was atheist.  She wanted to raise our child with these tenets of Hinduism and Buddhism, and I wanted to raise him to make his own choices about religion when he was old enough.

“Teach him how to think first,” I argued, “rather then brainwashing him with a specific dogma.”

Luckily I won this argument.  I discovered that it has to be played as “creating a neutral playing field”.  Coincidentally, since religious beliefs are viral in nature, creating a neutral playing field is almost indistinguishable from an atheistic conclusion.

As he grew older, she tried to inculcate some form of religion in him.  She took him to a church when he was four—that caused a huge argument because A) he was too young to be going to a church, and B) none of us were even Christian, so WTF??

Anyway, for this and other reasons that marriage came to an end and now I am with an atheistic woman and couldn’t be happier.

To this day, the god virus doesn’t impact my son at all.  He’s 14 and he goes to a camp with his cousins and step-sister that is a Christian camp (against my wishes, but only because I blanche at the idea that my child support goes to pay that camp’s bills).  But he has total inoculation against it (and they’re somewhat liberal so they don’t care and don’t try to foist it too hard on him.)  Ultimatley, I can’t control his every hcoice, nor do I wish to, so I am content that I put into him a critical-thinking foundation that has innured him from their superstitious belief system.

I think you really should focus on finding women who meet your criteria rather than settle and try to make a direct conflict such as this “work”.  You are still young, but why waste your time with someone with whom you fundamentally disagree about such a core issue?  I don’t want to presume you being able to move, but plenty of people do precisely that, so you may want to put together a plan that brings you away from the great wasteland of Jesusland.

You also might want to try online connections—a lot of them state a religious affiliation or lack thereof.  As a matter of fact, the non-believing woman I’m now married to is from Canada and we met online (I live in Los Angeles).

Anyway, good luck to you!

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
GAD
Total Posts:  1044
Joined  15-02-2008
 
 
 
17 August 2009 17:08
 
Antisocialdarwinist - 16 August 2009 05:53 PM

I’ve never been discriminated against for being an atheist in that sense.  If I have to, I just lie about believing in God in order to get laid.

Oh too good!!

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
dlsmith
Total Posts:  952
Joined  26-06-2006
 
 
 
17 August 2009 19:43
 
Antisocialdarwinist - 16 August 2009 05:53 PM

I’ve never been discriminated against for being an atheist in that sense.  If I have to, I just lie about believing in God in order to get laid.

Proves the old adage “A hard dick has no conscience.”

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
MrRon
Total Posts:  94
Joined  14-08-2008
 
 
 
23 August 2009 06:24
 
Cody B - 15 August 2009 05:34 AM

2)Where the fuck do I find atheist women who are cute and attractive…(please note, I live in U.S.A. who sadly have a population of atheists of like 13%.)


I am an atheist, and personally, I’d rather date a hot religious chick than an unattractive atheist chick. And since (by my estimate) 90% of women are of the unattractive variety (I am quite picky), you have your work cut out for you in finding a hot atheist.

My advice would be to go with the flow and find somebody you’re attracted too. And if it turns out she’s an atheist that will be a bonus. And if she’s not an atheist, hopefully she’ll be more tolerant of other views than your ex was.

I came very close to marrying a religious chick once. She wasn’t overly religious, but she would have probably wanted our kids to have the experience of going to church. That wasn’t the deal-breaker in our relationship though. There were other, more important issues that we couldn’t reconcile. But it’s up to you to determine how much of a deal-breaker religion is for you. Just keep in mind that there are other (potentially just as important) aspects of a relationship. Good luck.

Ron

 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
 
Avatar
 
 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
Total Posts:  1221
Joined  20-07-2008
 
 
 
23 August 2009 10:19
 
MrRon - 23 August 2009 10:24 AM

I am an atheist, and personally, I’d rather date a hot religious chick than an unattractive atheist chick. And since (by my estimate) 90% of women are of the unattractive variety (I am quite picky), you have your work cut out for you in finding a hot atheist.
[...] I came very close to marrying a religious chick once. She wasn’t overly religious, but she would have probably wanted our kids to have the experience of going to church. That wasn’t the deal-breaker in our relationship though. There were other, more important issues that we couldn’t reconcile.

I cannot imagine what “other, more important issues” could have come between Mr. Ron and his “hot religioius chick.”  I’ve been married for 35 years, so I may not be a very good source on dating, but I could not be married to someone for 35 minutes if she disagreed on such a fundamental issue as religion.  I also couldn’t be married to a republican.  My wife is and at all times has been quite beautiful.  But nobody is beautiful enough for me to put up with religious or wingnut bullshit.

Examples of relationships between men and women where the personal point of view of the woman is irrelevant include john/hooker and rapist/victim relationships.
Obviously it is possible to negotiate the differences in seeing the world if one parties religiosity is weak or primarily social, but at some point one dates and marries a human being, and it would be difficult to spend a lot of time with someone who believed jesus or allah was keeping track of things.

Cody B - 15 August 2009 05:34 AM

2)Where the fuck do I find atheist women who are cute and attractive…(please note, I live in U.S.A. who sadly have a population of atheists of like 13%.)

Keeping in mind my disclaimer to having any knowledge about meeting women due to my having met a woman I love almost 40 years ago, I’ll offer to thoughts:
1.  There are a lot more atheists out there than 13%.  I think many self-identified christians don’t give a shit about christianity; it’s just a habit or a figure of speech. Maybe the go to church on xmas eve.  So what?

2.  If you are progressive, hang out with left wing organizations.  If you are a reactionary, hang out with libertarian organizations.

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
Skipshot
Total Posts:  1589
Joined  20-10-2006
 
 
 
23 August 2009 12:29
 

Let’s not confuse “date” with “marry”.  I’d “date” a hot religious chick until that infatuation played out, but “marry” is a whole nother thing.

 
 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
 
Avatar
 
 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
Total Posts:  1221
Joined  20-07-2008
 
 
 
23 August 2009 12:43
 

OK, I’ll accept that.  But would you date a republican?

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
MrRon
Total Posts:  94
Joined  14-08-2008
 
 
 
23 August 2009 15:57
 
teuchter - 23 August 2009 02:19 PM
MrRon - 23 August 2009 10:24 AM

I am an atheist, and personally, I’d rather date a hot religious chick than an unattractive atheist chick. And since (by my estimate) 90% of women are of the unattractive variety (I am quite picky), you have your work cut out for you in finding a hot atheist.
[...] I came very close to marrying a religious chick once. She wasn’t overly religious, but she would have probably wanted our kids to have the experience of going to church. That wasn’t the deal-breaker in our relationship though. There were other, more important issues that we couldn’t reconcile.

I cannot imagine what “other, more important issues” could have come between Mr. Ron and his “hot religioius chick.”  I’ve been married for 35 years, so I may not be a very good source on dating, but I could not be married to someone for 35 minutes if she disagreed on such a fundamental issue as religion.  I also couldn’t be married to a republican.  My wife is and at all times has been quite beautiful.  But nobody is beautiful enough for me to put up with religious or wingnut bullshit.

 

As I said, she wasn’t overly religious. And she was fairly tolerant of my religious views. As for what other issues can seriously affect a relationship, try…

1) EXTREME (and unjustified) jealousy. 
2) A conviction (again unjustified) that ALL men are dogs and are not to be trusted under ANY circumstances. 
3) Huge and instantaneous emotional swings for no reason at all. 
4) Public outbursts.

I won’t go into the gory details, but suffice it to say that if I could have eliminated the above, then her “mild” religiosity would not have been a relationship killer between us.

Anyway, congratulations on your 35 years of marriage. And I fully understand your aversion to fundies and Republicans (in fact, I SHARE your aversion). My “ideal” mate would have (in addition to other qualities) a carbon copy of my belief system and with the identical strength of convictions. However, “ideal” mates aren’t exactly realistic. And, as Skipshot indicated, dating and marriage are different matters. Certainly the bar gets raised for marriage.

Now… would you rather date a religious Jessica Alba or an atheist Rosie O’Donnell?

Ron
grin

 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
 
Avatar
 
 
sam harris is a neocon idiot
Total Posts:  1221
Joined  20-07-2008
 
 
 
23 August 2009 16:17
 

I acknowledged the difference between dating and marriage, but I still await Skipshot’s response to whether he would date a republican.  Lines must be drawn somewhere.

 
 
 
Avatar
 
 
Cody B
Total Posts:  50
Joined  05-02-2009
 
 
 
24 August 2009 11:16
 

Thanks for all the replies, funny enough I actually did find someone in a place I wasn’t really looking. 

Turned out I got the atheist Jessica Alba after all, Ron! =D

An added bonus, she came from the Muslim world, rejected it, and is now finishing up her law degree to fight for woman’s rights.  I almost shit my pants.  Maybe there is hope for a secular future.

 
 
Avatar
 
 
Skipshot
Total Posts:  1589
Joined  20-10-2006
 
 
 
24 August 2009 15:10
 
teuchter - 23 August 2009 04:43 PM

OK, I’ll accept that.  But would you date a republican?

Fair question.  In my younger days I wasn’t nearly as picky, but as I get crustier and more and more stubborn these days. . . no way.

 
 
1