Dr. Laura asked for legal advice regarding Old Testament Freaking Hilarious!

Total Posts:  17
Joined  27-11-2010
31 May 2011 13:22

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man, and posted on the Internet. Very informative!

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there “degrees” of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God, if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football, if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian.)

[ Edited: 16 December 2011 03:20 by Nhoj Morley]
Total Posts:  3
Joined  29-05-2011
31 May 2011 18:41

Brilliant!  Love to see someone point out a cherry picker.

Thanks for posting it!

Total Posts:  1
Joined  05-07-2011
05 July 2011 08:02

This was very funny and would have to make someone who says the bible is the total and infallible word of god think about what they are believing in.

Total Posts:  4
Joined  21-01-2009
29 August 2011 20:14

Gold, absolute gold.

I find it quite amusing, that often the people that claim to be religious, and supportive of their chosen faith… ( Christians in particular ) often know far less about their faith than the atheist’s they’re trying to convert.

It seems to me that the best weapon in an atheist’s arsenal to help rid the world of religion… is the bible/<insert religious text of your choice here>. Now if only we could find a way to get all the faithful to actually read the damn thing. Might be tough, since being the infallible word of the creator of the universe wasn’t a strong enough selling point to get them to read it.

Total Posts:  413
Joined  05-06-2005
31 August 2011 12:28

Sweet!  Can’t wait to read her reply!