Jessica Simpson: Theologian of Shiny Coinage

 
 
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Beam
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06 December 2008 06:34
 

http://music.msn.com/music/hotgossip/12-04-08_3/?gt1=28102

“I’ve been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion,” says the warbler, who not only boasts a former minister in father Joe but also prays before meals and bedtime with Romo. “I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times.”

There’s also her weakness for bright and shiny coinage: “I collect lucky pennies that I find on the ground. I keep them in a Ziploc bag.”

All of the Cowboy haters should be thrilled to know that JSimp now does her praying in Dallas where she reportedly is shacked up with Romo (who is obviously attracted to her for her brain.)

 
 
Lapin Diabolique
 
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Lapin Diabolique
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06 December 2008 07:18
 

I had lengthy debates with my former manager about the phenomenon that is Mrs. Simpson.
To him she is the epiphany of sexy, desirable and fuckable.
To me she is, well, I am sure you can guess.

Let’s behold the perfect trifecta from Hell and see if we can connect the dots here:

Jessica Simpson,Janet Jackson and that Avon lady from Alaska.

At last the perfect female has arisen in these glorious times and right here in this shiny nation: She’s pretty, perpetually smiling, her true sensuality has been surgically removed and she is dumb as a brick.

 
 
 
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Beam
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06 December 2008 07:27
 
Sander - 06 December 2008 12:18 PM

...and she is dumb as a brick.

That is uncharacteristically generous to Ms. Simpson and an affront to anything made of dirt and straw.

 
 
mpbrockman
 
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mpbrockman
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06 December 2008 10:31
 
Sander - 06 December 2008 12:18 PM

Jessica Simpson,Janet Jackson and that Avon lady from Alaska.

At last the perfect female has arisen in these glorious times and right here in this shiny nation: She’s pretty, perpetually smiling, her true sensuality has been surgically removed and she is dumb as a brick.

Ah yes, the spiritual heirs to Doris Day.

It would not entirely displease me were Ms. Simpson to try spending some time with her head in a Ziploc bag.

 
 
isocratic infidel
 
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isocratic infidel
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06 December 2008 12:48
 

At the risk of condoning celebrity bashing and sounding catty, this is hilarious Mr. Brockman:

It would not entirely displease me were Ms. Simpson to try spending some time with her head in a Ziploc bag.

 
 
Immediate Suppression
 
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Immediate Suppression
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06 December 2008 19:21
 
Beam - 06 December 2008 11:34 AM

“I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times.”

I’m surprised someone who seems so religious would watch a movie which essentially presents religion as bogus eight times.  Maybe she still didn’t pick up on this after watching it eight times.

 
 
selinakyle
 
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selinakyle
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06 December 2008 19:53
 
Immediate Suppression - 07 December 2008 12:21 AM
Beam - 06 December 2008 11:34 AM

“I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times.”

I’m surprised someone who seems so religious would watch a movie which essentially presents religion as bogus eight times.  Maybe she still didn’t pick up on this after watching it eight times.

Remember this is the girl who thought Buffalo Wings were made of real buffalo…